Loving Billie
by LilyMarie719
Summary: Yet another take on what could have been. What was in the letter? What if Katie had given it to Jessie herself, if Jessie hadn't been avoiding her, hadn't seen it coming? What happened afterwards?


Title: Loving Billie

Author: Princess Lily

Rating: R for sexual situations, I guess…?

Pairing: Jessie/Katie

Disclaimer: If I owned Evan and Mischa, they wouldn't be kissing each other, I can tell you that much!

Feedback: Flames will be used to cook my dinner, I'm hungry!

Jessie was used to long days and little relief from the constant clamor in her head, but this day had taken the prize for the most tiring and upsetting. She had trudged from class to class, not hearing or taking in anything her teachers were telling her. She'd ignored all her friends, because all their meaningless chatter was like so much buzzing in her ears. The only ray of sunshine had been Katie… Katie between classes, calling her Billie and flashing that great smile of hers, Katie who knew her beyond her oh, so brittle surface. Jessie honestly didn't know what she would do if she didn't have Katie as her best friend.

But on the ride home Katie had been very quiet, very distant. And now that Jessie thought about it, even when she had seen Katie between classes and at lunch, she'd been bright and cheerful, but somehow less so than normal. And when they had pulled up outside Manning Manor, Katie had seemed like she didn't know what to say, not a common state for her. And she'd handed Jessie a folded piece of paper that looked like it was covered in her characteristic tiny scrawl. Jessie loved getting letters, so she'd grinned at Katie.

"Thanks Billie," she'd enthused. But Katie only smiled nervously in response. Not like Katie at all.

And so Jessie had trudged up the stairs into her attic room, thrown her book bag onto the floor and flopped backwards onto the bed, pulling the letter from her pocket. Settling herself more comfortably into the pillows, she began to read.

"Dear Billie,

I don't know how to say this to you. I don't even really know what I'm trying to say. I wish I could talk to you about this, but lately things between us have been so wonderful I haven't wanted to rock the boat. You seem so happy, and I would want to die if I ever messed that up.

When I see you every day, I want to tell you things, things I wouldn't say to anyone else. I want to tell you how happy it makes me that I get to see you. I want to tell you how honored I feel that you've let me in and shared those intimate details about yourself that no one is supposed to know. I want to tell you that I love the feeling that you would tell me anything, and I would do the same in return.

But I can't tell you these things, can I Jessie? Because we're friends, and some of the things I want to tell you definitely fall outside the realm of friendship. Like, sometimes when I see you at your locker in the morning, and you're brushing your hair, I want to tell you how much I want to run my fingers through it. It always looks so silky smooth and shiny, beautiful, like you. And then sometimes, when you grin at me, it feels like my heart has stopped, and if your smile stops my hear I don't ever want it to beat again, because I never want to see the sweet smile leave your face. And when you hug me I never want to let you go, because you just feel so good in my arms that it's almost painful not to have you there.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel more for you than I have ever felt for anyone. I wouldn't call myself the world's foremost expert on love, because I'm definitely not. But around you I feel like I could write books about it. Jessie, I think I'm in love with you.

I know you probably don't feel the same way, and that's cool. Like I said, I feel so privileged even to be in your presence. I don't want anything from you that you're not willing to give. But Jessie, if by some crazy twist of fate you do feel the same way I do, I would never be unhappy again. You are my sun, the point around which my universe rotates.

I love you Billie

Your Katie."

Upon reaching the end of this letter, Jessie gaped in disbelief and read it again, sure that she had hallucinated what she had just read. No, it said the same thing the second time as it did the first, but the second time the words were blurred by the tears that had welled up in Jessie's eyes. Folding the letter and putting it back into her pocket, she rolled off the bed and headed for the last place she thought she'd ever voluntarily go. Grace's room.

She knocked and waited, heard nothing, and knocked again. She knew Grace was home, had seen her disappear into her room as she was climbing up to hers. Finally she heard Grace tell her to come in, so she opened the door a crack and stuck her head in.

"Uh, hey," she said hesitantly. "Can… can I come in?"

"Sure, I guess," Grace replied doubtfully. "What do you want?"

"Advice," Jessie said reluctantly. "Look, um… you know how you're in that Gay/Straight Alliance thing?"

"Yeah?"

"Well… see, the thing is… Oh, God." Jessie could feel herself breaking down, and she wasn't entirely sure why. She wasn't unhappy, wasn't upset at the letter. On the contrary, she had been flattered and overwhelmed by the depth of emotion Katie had expressed. And yet, tears. She sat down on the edge of Grace's bed, fumbled in her pocket and handed the letter to Grace. "Just… um, read this, and tell me what you think?"

Grace snapped on her beside lamp to see the letter better. In less than five minutes she'd read the entire thing, and was gaping at Jessie.

"Wow."

"Huh?" Jessie sniffled.

"Wow, Jessie. Just wow. You… she wrote this for you, gave it to you today?" Jessie nodded, a single tear making its way down her face.

"I don't know what to do, I mean I'm so confused," she whimpered.

"Well, how do you feel about her?" Grace asked gently. For once in her life, she could tell this wasn't the time to get all harsh with Jessie. Besides, surprisingly, the fight had gone out of her. She was surprised that Jessie had come to her of all people with this, and it made her want to be the person Jessie needed her to be.

"I don't know," Jessie said slowly. "I mean… she gave it to me just before she dropped me off, and I only just read it now. I'm not… I mean, I'm not disgusted or anything. I really, really like her. I just… I don't know. I don't know if I like her the way she needs me to like her."

"Jessie, can I ask you something?" Grace asked. "Has Katie ever asked you to do something that you really didn't want to do? Has she ever, say, pressured you into doing something that made you feel uncomfortable?"

"No, nothing like that."

"Then you've got no reason to believe she would start now, right? This letter, it's beautiful, Jessie. It's a beautiful expression of the way she feels for you, and I personally think you're incredibly lucky to have someone who loves you so much. I wish I did. But nowhere in this letter dies it say she'll stop being your friend if you don't want to take things further."

"I never thought of it like that," Jessie admitted.

"And, Jessie, DO you want to take things further?"

"I never thought of that, either."

"Well you wanted my advice, and it's this. Nothing has to change between the two of you unless you want it to, she's made that clear. It's all up to you. So next time you see her, talk to her. Don't be weird, just… treat her the way you've always treated her."

"Okay. Thanks, Grace." She moved towards Grace, hesitated, then threw caution to the wind and leaned in and hugged her stepsister. "You're really nice, nicer than I give you credit for."

Grace hugged her back and, on an impulse, kissed the top of Jessie's blonde head. "You're not so bad yourself. Hey, um, do you by any chance need a ride to Katie's house?"

Jessie pulled away in disbelief. "You're volunteering?"

"Hey, you only get what you give," Grace grinned.

"Then, that would be great." Jessie flashed her real smile at Grace, the one she saved for those who truly deserved it. The only time Grace had ever seen it before was when it had been directed at Katie.

They pulled up outside Katie's house and Jessie gave Grace one last hug. "Hey, thanks for everything," she said shyly.

"It's cool. Um… you have my cell phone number, right? Give me a text if you need me to come pick you up… or if you need me to tell the parental units you're not coming home tonight."

"Great, thanks," Jessie said, and climbed out of the car and walked nervously up the front walk. She knocked on the door, and Katie herself answered as Grace drove off.

""Billie, hi," Katie said nervously. She looked as if she'd either been crying or preparing herself for needing to cry. "Did your dad drop you off?"

"No, Grace did. Long story," Jessie told her. "Can we talk?" Katie nodded and they went up to her room.

"Look, Jessie, I'm sorry, okay? I should have known better than to rock your world with all that stuff. I know you've been going through a lot lately, and I didn't want to upset you any further…"

"You didn't," Jessie interrupted softly. But Katie's ramble continued, gaining momentum as she got more and more flustered.

"I just… I don't know, I mean it was stupid for me to think we were ready for me to be saying those things to you, but I just feel so much when I'm around you, and lately I've been thinking maybe there's a chance you did feel the same way, and sometimes when we're talking I almost convince myself you want the same things I do, but that's crazy, I mean, you're younger than me, and I would be rushing you into something you're probably not ready for, and I don't even know if you've kissed anyone, let alone a girl, and I just-"

Having heard enough, Jessie stood on tiptoes and pressed her lips against Katie's. It had the desired effect, it stopped Katie's rambling in its tracks. Jessie pulled away and looked into Katie's eyes, searching for she didn't know what.

Katie's eyes were unfocused, almost glassy with pleasure. "B-Billie? Why did you just…?"

"Because I wanted to," Jessie whispered. "You know what it's like when you read something, in a book or a magazine or wherever, and you're just like, oh, I get it now? Well, that's what I felt when I read your letter… it was like everything swirling around inside of me had been siphoned off and trapped on a piece of paper, in your handwriting. It made me feel… safe. Secure. Katie, I…"

"Yeah?"

At a loss for any more words, Jessie kissed Katie again. This time was different to the first. This time both girls knew that Jessie was willing to kiss Katie. So this time Katie was able to gather her wits enough to kiss back, and, their lips fused together, the two of them tumbled in a heap onto the bed.

Jessie ended up on top of Katie, which was just fine with the older girl. With Jessie on top, the younger girl had control of the situation, and she seemed to be enjoying it. Their sweet, closed mouth kisses grew longer, deeper, both of them drawing breath in frantic bursts through their noses, until the need to breath became too great and they parted.

Their lungs oxygenated again, Katie leaned up and kissed Jessie again. This time Jessie grew bolder and parted her lips slightly, darting her tongue out experimentally, mostly to see what Katie would do. She wasn't disappointed, as she listened to Katie let out the cutest little whimper and part her own lips in response. As their tongues touched for the first time, Jessie felt a rush of… she wasn't sure what. Suddenly reality came rushing into her consciousness, and she sat up.

The first thing she noticed was that somehow, she had ended up straddling Katie, her knees on either side of Katie's hips. The second thing she noticed was how beautiful Katie looked, lying there gazing adoringly up at her, looking thoroughly content, her hair spread out framing her flushed face, her lips swollen from kisses.

And the third thing she noticed was how different she felt now, compared to how she had felt when she'd entered the room half an hour before. No longer did she feel pressed in, trapped in her life. She felt… free. And, she realized, she felt happy, for the first time in she couldn't even remember how long.

"Billie," Jessie breathed, a delirious grin spreading over her face. "Billie, I-"

"I know," Katie whispered back, her face mirroring Jessie's. "I know."

"I want to…"

"We should talk, maybe…"

"Yeah." Jessie moved to get off of Katie, but Katie grabbed hold of her by the hips and held her in place.

"No, stay," she grinned. "We can talk with you there. I like you there."

"Katie, I have to tell you something… I don't want to talk. I want to do what we were doing, for the rest of the night… then, when we wake up in the morning, I want to do that all day tomorrow, too."

"Yeah, but I don't want to rush things. We'll regret it if we go too far the first time," Katie said slowly.

"I know, I just… I want to kiss you again."

"Kissing is okay… kissing we can do… just so long as the clothes stay on…"

Katie, still holding Jessie loosely by the hips, tightened her grip and maneuvered them so they were lying side by side, facing each other. Then, gradually, she brought their lips together again.

Half an hour later it was Jessie once again who was setting the pace. She had grown bold enough to run her tongue along Katie's bottom lip, and delighted in the sounds she could elicit from the other girl. As Jessie's tongue delicately explored the unknown territory of Katie's mouth, she could hear the older girl breathing heavily through her nose, little high pitched whimpers coming from her throat. Jessie decided to see what other noises she could get, and moved her hands from where they were cradling Katie's head, to trail up and down Katie's sides. As usual Katie was wearing a tank top that didn't have a hope in hell of covering her entire belly, so Jessie's wandering fingertips encountered bare skin and Katie let out a moan that sent shivers up and down Jessie's spine. She was doing this, she was the cause of someone else's pleasure. It was an empowering thought.

Wanting Jessie to experience what she herself was feeling, Katie gently but firmly reversed their positions and flicked her tongue into Jessie's mouth. Jessie almost squeaked in surprise but it quickly turned into an appreciative moan of her own. Engrossed in the feel of their tongues touching, Jessie didn't notice Katie's hands wandering until they were on her butt… and squeezing gently. This time Jessie's moan made Katie's eyes snap open in surprise… Jessie was, quite obviously, loving it. She squeezed again, harder, reveling in both the feel of Jessie's tight little backside, and the sounds emanating from her throat.

Breaking for air once again, Jessie panted "Do it again," at Katie, trying to pull Katie's hands back onto her butt. Katie laughed breathlessly and pulled away.

"Not this time, Billie, she teased. "There's something I want YOU to do."

"What?" Jessie asked, smiling.

Katie tapped the side of her nose, grinning. She guided Jessie's hands to the headboard, straightened the younger girl's legs and climbed on top of her, straddling her knees.

"Do you trust me?" she asked. Jessie gazed into her eyes, unblinking.

"With my life," she said simply.

"I want to show you how I feel… how you make me feel," Katie said slowly. "I want to show you how good I can make you feel without removing a single item of clothing. Will you let me?"

"Of course," Jessie replied. Katie kissed her gently before pulling away.

"Okay."

"Katie… wait!" Jessie said suddenly. Katie froze. "I love you, Katie. I love you too." Katie's face transformed into a picture of happiness as she resumed her intended actions.

With one last kiss on Jessie's swollen lips she began to kiss down Jessie's jaw, down to her neck and quickly found her pulse point. She kissed it, then parted her lips and dragged her tongue across the sweet smelling skin. Jessie let out a surprised groan of pleasure, but Katie wasn't finished. Withdrawing her tongue she began to suck lightly, and, as she heard Jessie's breathing quicken, suck harder. The noises coming from Jessie now were driving Katie crazy. She was no stranger to her body's reactions to sexual situations, and her body was reacting like crazy right now. It was an effort to keep from ripping her clothes off and begging Jessie to touch her… but no, touching Jessie was far too much fun to stop just yet.

Delighting in Jessie's reaction to the sucking, Katie dared to nibble on Jessie's neck. Jessie gasped, letting go of the headboard and clutching at Katie's shoulders. Katie instantly stopped what she was doing and sat up, a wicked grin on her face.

"God, Katie, don't stop," Jessie whined, trying to get Katie to resume what she was doing.

"Oh, no, Miss Billie," Katie teased. "You move, I stop, understand? Now, hands back where I put them." Reluctantly Jessie moved her hands back to the headboard, and Katie moved back to her position, almost lying on top of Jessie.

"Just one question before I continue," Katie said. "You have turtlenecks at home, right? I mean, you could wear one tomorrow if you wanted to, right?"

"I guess so, why?" Jessie panted. Katie didn't answer, preferring to bite down moderately roughly on Jessie's neck. She immediately soothed the hurt by running her tongue over it, then sucking deeply, in a way that she knew damn well would cause Jessie to have a massive hickey. Jessie cried out, her grip on the headboard tightening. Never before had she felt what she was feeling right now, this white hot pleasure shooting through her body, centering in that place she'd never really thought about before now.

"Katie… God, Billie," she gasped. "God, Katie, that feels so good… don't stop, please, baby, don't stop…"

Katie stopped. Jessie almost burst into tears at the loss of contact as Katie sat up, but Katie was merely moving on to bigger and better things. Pressing their lips together, Katie ran her hands up Jessie's sides and across her chest, knowing for sure she was the first person ever to touch Jessie there, even through her t-shirt. She felt Jessie's nipples harden, felt Jessie stiffen and relax alternately with each new sensation.

But Katie was beginning to have second thoughts. Jessie was young, too young for this. She didn't want Jessie to experience all of this at once, on the day they first kissed. It was far too fast for the younger girl, and, if Katie was honest with herself, it was too fast for her, too.

"Jessie," she said, pulling back. "Jessie, we should stop."

"Do we have to?" Jessie asked, smiling dazedly, her breathing ragged. "That was awesome."

"Thanks," Katie blushed. "But I don't want to rush this, Billie. We have the rest of forever to do this, to explore each other. Don't get me wrong, I want to make love to you. I just want to wait until we're ready."

"Yeah, me too," Jessie agreed. "But, um, Katie? Does that mean we can't do any of that kind of touching anymore?"

"God no," Katie exclaimed. "It definitely doesn't mean that! It just means… we should cool off for a while, ok? Go downstairs, watch a movie… take a cold shower…" The last part she muttered to herself, mentally fanning herself.

"Okay, Billie," Jessie said, planting one last sweet kiss on Katie's mouth. She sat up and straightened her clothes, as Katie did the same. Then the two headed downstairs together.


End file.
